The day all newbie mothers been dreading of: BACK TO WORK after 16 weeks of ML. So here I am. Killing time with blogging while waiting to go back..back with ayra! It’s day 2 of work and it doesn’t get easier (okay la, maybe slightly easier)! Did I mention I cried yesterday when I left her under my mum’s care? #clingymum Now I understand those mothers complaining that 16 weeks are barely enough. It’s true though! It’s the phase of getting to know more on your child..and then you gotta leave them so you can go back to work. Haish. Please don’t judge me because I used to judge them and karma hits me hard (not that it’s a bad thing though..sape tak sayang anak sendiri kan?)

Anyway, back to work kan. Colleagues were surprised to see me..all covered up (Alhamdulillah..i finally plucked the courage to do so). Oh, the common comments I got from them were:

  1. Welcome back! How are you? How’s your baby?
  2. Woahhh, so slim.. you don’t look like you’ve just given birth.
  3. Eh, I heard you are leaving?

Been wanting to tender when I came back but I’ve not secured a job yet (why so difficult to find :'( ). A has been encouraging me to resign, stay at home with ayra till I get a new job. Tempting offer but that would mean no income for me. No online shopping (i started this ever since I wear tudung [- asyik beli tudung je] and also suffered from boredom thanks to confinement), no extra savings (need to start saving for our house!) and having to be 100% dependent on A. Kinda hate that. I’ll give myself till end of year. I need to move on to a new environment already! Anyone with job offers? Hehs.

Job issues aside. Ayra’s turning 4 month in two weeks’ time! She’s going for her jab also. Wonder if this jab will cause her to have fever or not. She had one when she was 3rd month. So sedih sey seeing her lemah and all. Taking leave to take care of her :) Ahh..so much love for this girl!❤❤ My phone gallery are full of her pictures!

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Taken during her cukur rambut. She was sleeping eh when they cut her hair. 
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Family of 3 now😀
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Budak suke kuar! See her face..how to no to THAT? 
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Her favourite time of the day, besides drinking milk, is bathing! She will be all smiley and laughing. Let’s go swimming soon baby?

Ok da sikit2 cukup. Woots, 10 more minutes till I cabot! Oh and SELAMAT MENJALANI IBADAH PUASA in advance🙂

My labour story

So where do i begin? Let’s start from my last appointment with Dr S.

10th Feb (39 weeks 1 day)

Still nothing. Zilch. Not feeling any pain. Was monitoring baby’s movement for 2 weeks already and movements were still more than 10 times within a day. Had a 2nd VE and it wasnt as bad as the first one. Progression? 1.5cm dilated only. Whutt. Only 0.5cm increase from previous week -.-

Discussed with Dr S on the next possibility. I opted to be induced on my edd in case im still not in labour by then. Dr S advised me to bring along a book/download movie etc coz waiting time can be quite long. So ape lagi, balek tros download ebook ‘Me before you’ and a couple of movies into my ipad. I was secretly hoping that i will be in labour naturally though..

Went to ‘The Cathay’ right after appointment. Had a yummy fish and chips from eighteen chefs..(makan lagi!) walked around plaza sing and finally watched deadpool (yessah! Dapat jgak tgk last movie)! Gerek pe tu movie 😁😁

12th Feb (39 weeks 3 days)

Went to west coast park to walk and even exercise! Boleh semput eh but for the sake nak cepatkan labour.. lepas tu makan macdonald. Haha! Prangai budak gemok!

Did i mention that i got irritated by people asking me if i had given birth or not? In a way they are trying to scare me kalau kene induced. Gahh 😒😒 some people are so insensitive 😡😡 Or maybe im the one being overly-sensitive? Cannot blame pregnant woman ok!

13th Feb (39 weeks 4 days)

Was bored at home. I was lucky A was at home, or rather free from work during that time. His last day of work was on 3 Feb. So i kinda get to spend lotsa time with him before i pop. He only started his new career on the 22 Feb. Anw, A brought me to eat pizza hut. Eat all you can they say..hehe. This pregnancy made me craved lotsa sweet/junk/western food! Padahal supposed to “diet” after knowing baby’s weight that time. Ohwells. Da lapar nak buat ape kn! Bedal je.

14th Feb (39 weeks 5 days)

Woke up with a cramp like feeling. Ahh..i forgot how annoying the pain was. Went to the toilet and noticed a blood spotting. Kinda panic for a while there. Told A and my sis about it. My sis told me to just monitor the blood spotting first. If contraction interval shortened, baru g hospital. So this was it. I began monitoring my contractions and it was irregular. Sometimes 6 mins – 40 mins (is this braxton hicks contractions?).

Felt like eating nasi padang. Kirekan my last meal gitu la. Had nasi padang at Minang for Sunday breakfast with my MIL and SIL. Sedappppp! Sakit tetap sakit. Blood spotting is becoming slightly heavier. Went back home. A wanted to bring me to KKH tros  (since kkh and bugis are nearr -.-) but i told him i dont want to waste time at the hospital on a sunday. Furthermore, i can still tahan the pain. I tried to sleep at home..but cannot sey with the pain. Told myself that if by 3pm, masih ade darah, i should just go.

3pm : Went to the toilet to clear my bowels. Haha berani eh. I really feel like berak-ing and ensure that it was my bowels, not the baby before i teran. Lol. TMI. Anw, blood spotting is consistent so i admitted myself to kkh. Earlier on called their hotline to ask for advice, tak gune pon. They need you to come down so that they can check visually and advise accordingly.

4pm: Went straight to observation room. Ahh..that room brought back memories. A female doctor came in to do VE. I was 3cm dilated. Woahh.. i thought i would be given option to go back first. Sekali… tros kene masok labour ward. Same like last time, only this time, i was well prepared. I couldnt go back because i was GBS positive. I needed to be given antibiotic at least 4hrs before labour. I was lucky to have a nice, friendly SSN to insert the iv drip on me. She did it only once sey and its not painful at all as compared to my previous experience. That kinda got me into good mood 🤗🤗

7pm: Doctor came to do VE again. I was still 3cm dilated even after all those pain! They called Dr S and she advised to let me roam around the room to quicken labour. I was off from the baby heartbeat monitoring and i began roaming around the small spaced room with my back exposed. It helped to distract myself from the contraction pain. This was what i looked like.

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The plan was to break my waterbag if im still not progressing by midnight. I walked for almost 1.5hrs before giving up and came back to the bed. The contractions were getting more intense. Being in bed doesnt really help! The pain attacked my back. I couldnt roll over or move much in bed. Ya Allah..sakit dier..

I no longer track the interval of my contractions since im linked to the machine. I kept asking A to sleep first (while i endured the pain alone..srsly, what he could do for me kan?). Tried to sleep but obviously cannot. That backache was the worst for me! The pain was quite indescribable.

11.30pm: A male doctor came to do VE. At that point of time, i couldnt be bothered who wants to check my vagina..just tell me how many cm im dilated nowwww. Checked; 4cm. Oh-ma-gawddd..all those sufferings for 4hrs, im only 4cm dilated?! Geram sungguh. I dont know how much pain/hours i can bear..and it came..the golden question: “Do you want to take epidural?”

I was considering to try out laughing gas first..but heck, why waste time. After much considerations, i told A that i wantedto take epidural. I cannot tahan the backache..mcm nk putus! Alhamdulillah, the epidural guy (sorry, noob here. Dont know what’s the term for it) came in a minute after i signed the agreement (i didnt bother reading it coz i was in too much pain so A read it instead). I’ve read on how long some women had to wait for the guy to come coz there’s a queue for it..i was lucky i guess? Maybe tak byk org tgh beranak that time. Seram jugak part nak start the epi procedure. I dont dare to look at their needles or any equipments involved. They also dont allow A to look when the guy was inserting the needle at my back. The pain for the procedure was..ok? Not painful la. Or maybe my contractions deviated the pain away. Slowly, i was feeling numb downwards. And it only lasted for 5 freaking minutes.

i was briefed that i can ask for higher dosage in case the pain was getting intense. I could still feel my contractions but bearable at that time. I waited and tahan..eh, asl makin sakit ni…told myself to endure just a lil bit.

12 plus midnight: Asked the nurse if i can get higher dosage coz the pain is back..esp my backache. She did VE on me. This time, i couldnt feel anything..she godeh2 me and kept quiet. She then prepared some surgical equipments. So i asked her how many cm now? She calmly said 8cm. I was like WHUTTT..from 4cm jumped to 8cm in an hour! By then, A was already asleep beside me. I woke him up and told him im 8cm dilated. Dengan cepat dier bangun! Hahah. Im giving birth soon! Excited yer!

1 plus am: A friendly malay mid-wife came to do the checking again. They got me prepared for labour. When she godeh2 inside me, just in time, my water bag also burst naturally. Alhamdulillah. Was told that Dr S was on her way. Nak aje tanye from where and how long? In the meantime, they got me into position and practiced pushing. During that push, the baby’s head was 1/4 out. The first thing i asked A was, “rambut dier lebat tak?” Haha, priority done right. I was told to wait. I was so obedient and waited 😇😇

I couldn’t be more thankful when Dr S came! Everyone was very encouraging, saying im pushing well. It just motivated me to do better. After a few pushes, Ayra came out at 2.38am. Syukur Alhamdulillah!

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I was amazed at how clean and pure she was. And nope, they havent wipe her at this point of time. I think i teared a bit. How can i not? Overwhelming feelings. I cant believe she was in my womb for 9 months, whom i have had casual conversation with when no one is around. There she was in my arms.

A watched the whole thing and what’s going on down there 😐😐 i told him that i deserve a push gift sia. Lol. I love him more for being by my side and encouraging me during my labour..Before and after.. he will be a great dad, InsyaAllah Amin.

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Just look at him. He couldnt take his eyes off ayra 😍😍 lovely father-daughter bond.

Was transferred to normal ward at 5.30am.

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#iwokeuplikethis..after giving birth. So that’s how it goes. Alhamdulillah, recovering well right now. Just survived 7 days of urut. Damn, nobody said it was a torture. First few days that is. See how tight my bengkung is! Ouh, i havent even touch my jamu yet. Maybe i wont at all. Lol. Ok bye!

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#lilAN

Whaddup..! So i have given birth to a precious beautiful baby girl on the 15 Feb 2016 at 2.38am. It was just a day shy from my planned induced birth; which was supposed to be on my EDD 16 Feb.. Syukur Alhamdulillah everything goes as per normal🙂

I still cannot believe im now a mother. I have become those mothers who are obsessed with their own child. Lol.

Introducing my daughter, Ayra Natasha Binte Muhammad Azmi. I love you sooo much Ayra 😙😙😍😍IMG-20160215-WA0003IMG-20160216-WA0007

This was what she wore upon discharge. A said she’s so cute mcm bugs’ life yer fat caterpillar tu. Lol. Bapak yer tk ubah2.

Oh, shall update on my labour story later. When things are settled down with the baby.

Thoughts.

It’s almost 5am in the morning and i cant get back to sleep after waking up to pee just now at 3am -.- being hungry is partly the reason i cant sleep also. Sooo tempted to wake up the husband and go breakfast at macd. Hmmm…

Anyhoos, currently im 39 weeks 3 days and still very much pregnant. Started my maternity leave after cny already. A’s last day of work was 3rd feb and will start on his new job 22nd feb onwards. He’s been doing some part time job for a time being and was/am still around me most of the time. Im grateful for his presence during these period.

Thought i would deliver by 38 weeks sey if i follow both my sisters but maybe it’s just not meant for me. It’s normal for first timer. Hoping to be dilating naturally and fast before my edd as i dont feel any pain at the moment. Or maybe im not sure if its the RIGHT pain im feeling? I dont knowww.. many people are anxious on the arrival of the baby (friends, family and obviously me and A!) that they tend to be insensitive about it. Or maybe im just being too sensitive kot. Kalau boleh beranak sekarang, i would already do so sey. Oh yay, push and pop baby come out -.- but nak buat ape kan if baby is still not ready to come out? (Maybe it’s the good food im eating) Kalau boleh taknak kene induced but when i redha already, people said its very painful and it just doesnt seem pleasant to hear it for me? Like thanks for the encouragement! *sarcastically* shall stay away from these negative people and focus on getting my labour ongoing. Any tips? (Tried squats, walking, climbing staircase etc)

Ohh, and baby is getting bigger. Need to control my food intake but always fail😦 da lapar, nak buat ape kn? Takkan nak puase till beranak? Tak kesah la.. i will just continue to eat as per norm (maybe smaller portion ke ape)..aslkan baby sihat and selamat.

May everything goes smoothly. InsyaAllah, Amin.

baby shower.

Last Saturday, me and A went to Baby Fair (ikr, again) @ Expo to get the last few items in our list. So sad that I can no longer walk around for hours due to the swollen legs😦 Anyway, same old same old. As we were walking around, I told A that as long as we have a child, we’ll keep coming back here (you know to get the child’s next stage items eg toys, clothes etc). He thought that will be the last time he’s stepping into Baby Fair. Hurhur, yelar tu! Entah-entah biler da ade anak, dier yang over-spend.

Oh, after that we met up with my friend to get our cravings fulfilled; Chulops!😀 We were trying to kill time as A supposed to send us to Bugis for us to meet up with the girls. We usually meet up on weekday after work. But this time round, since everyone ‘seemed’ busy, they asked for a meet up on late afternoon (6.30pm) on a weekend instead. We were supposed to have dinner at Vintage Delicafe. I mean when there’s food, we (pregnant women) couldn’t resist to it. So we went with the flow..and we got blindfolded! Turned out the meetup was for our surprised baby shower😀

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We were greeted by this the moment they removed our blindfolds. Totally surprised, indeed!

20160116_190020 So cute the diaper kits! You can guess from the kits what’s our baby gender.

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20160116_193952 The dessert spread. Yums!

20160116_201315 Our dinner. Baru plan nak makan alfredo seafood pasta! Ni pun jadi laa

IMG-20160116-WA0016 My friends were shocked to see my belly. Anyway, I’m glad I’ve a friend to go through this pregnancy together. She’s just 1 month after me.

IMG-20160116-WA0023 You know this was not the only surprise we got. The staycation was the second surprise! We were both married and we had no clue that our husbands were involved in the planning as well. Turns out, the moment A sent the both of us to bugis, he went home to pack my things for the staycation (including my maternity pillow!! lol). He didn’t even see me to pass the items T.T He passed it to my bestie instead.

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Part of the reason for the initially meetup; our annual (delayed) gifts exchange.

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We didn’t even have group photos taken. But heck, it’s the memories that matters most right? It was a laid back staycation..us, resting and enjoying each other’s company. Very thankful to have these bunch of girlfriends🙂 I can’t believe there will be 2 more lil girls joining our group.

Waiting game comes next week onwards. My next appointment falls on our 1 year anniversary. Hopefully, all is good so that we can go and have a buffet celebration! Please pray for my smooth delivery and may Allah ease our affairs when the time comes. Amin.

 

Last lap.

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I don’t know where to start. A lot of things been running through my mind (what’s new). My pregnancy journey will end in less than a month time when I deliver the baby. Anxious, excited, nervous, depress etc. all these mixed feelings in me. It’s only normal to feel lethargic and stress out at work. Requested for leave from Dr S but she said that working till the end is good for labour. I know moving around is good for labour but I’m mentally stressed with work and the people I work with. It’s not I don’t want to work, it’s because I hate my work so much right now. Ohwells, may God give me the strength to tahan for another few more weeks and I’ll be gone. Gone for good, I hope. Haish.

A got a new job offer which involve shift work. I’ve always prefer a guy working office hours so that we can spend more time together as a couple and a family. But…haish. Shall not dwell on it. He’s earning more for us. I got to think positive. I need to get a grip of my emotions right now. Is it normal to be feeling this way? It’s not that I WANT to feel this wayy..situations around me is MAKING me feel shitty. Oh lil one, mama is so sorry for feeling this way. Let’s continue to eat and be happy in my stomach till the time comes okay? Be good. It’s never gonna be easy but we shall brave through this together, InsyaAllah.

May Allah ease our journey together. Amin.

Till then, I’ll post again after giving birth. If I ever find the time.